Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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