If i come over, it means nothing
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
