Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
