i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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