dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
