I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
