so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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