I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
