dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Randomize
