i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize