so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
