Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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