and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
