exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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