i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i would punch a child for taco bell
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
