Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
