I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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