When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
