We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you didnt know i had herpes?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
