A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
