you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
