On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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