R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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