I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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