no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
