Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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