yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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