So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
