i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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