My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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