AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
