I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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