I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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