We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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