I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize