oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
