Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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