I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
