I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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