His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
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She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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