I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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