i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
