what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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