Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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