the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
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I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
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Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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