i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
There's even glitter on my cock...
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