There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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