nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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