Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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