well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
