I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
