Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
