I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
