Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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