Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
