I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
