Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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