trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
