I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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