so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
