girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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