Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Boobs speak an international language.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
