after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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