Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
