did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
